To be at this point already is completely surreal.
As you know, we started this adoption journey in 2012. 2012! So, to be honest, you almost give up on the dream after that many years. The thought of there being a child on the other end of this hope becomes nothing more than a fantasy, a passing thought when you see a child in Target, or a longing that comes in the quiet of night right before you go to sleep. But it's certainly not a daily reality. It can't be. It's too hard.
We got the email on May 26th...
"Your family's CARINGS registration has been received and is under review!"
CARINGS is the adoption "list" for India. Once you are registered on this list and approved you can be matched with a child. Gulp. But our email stated that it could take up to 6 to 8 weeks to be approved, so we settled in to wait for a bit. You would think after all these years that the waiting would be easier, but its so much harder right now. We feel so close and each day seems harder than the next.
Then, another surprise email...
"You are approved on CARINGS and you are officially able to be matched with a child"
This email came on June 1. Say what?!? Less than a week!
That was so fast!
We are still spinning from this and now we wait again, but the next time we hear something from our agency, it will be THE CALL. The one we have been waiting for since 2012. We will officially be matched with a little boy and be able to see his face, know his Indian name, know his likes and dislikes, hear the milestones he has hit. My emotions are seriously all over the map. I am completely overwhelmed with joy and excitement, and I'm also really nervous and I almost feel not ready. It mimics the emotions you have right before you know you are about to go in to give birth. You have been so ready to be not pregnant this whole time, you are done with the waiting, but when it's actually time, the nerves kick in... the doubts kick in...
Am I ready for this?
Can I handle everything that is about to happen to me? To my family?
The unknown of it all is overwhelming. I know that once I actually see his face everything else will fade. Those thoughts will seem silly. But for right now, this is the stage that I am in, and so I am embracing it. I promised myself that I would try and be present with each and every step this time around. Each and every emotion through this journey. My hope is that through transparency, someone else will get the courage to take the step towards adoption.
And also, when I am honest about my weakness, I get the chance to show off Christ's strength. I fix my eyes on Him and on my "pity party" days, He gently pulls me back to where I need to be. The place where my priorities line up with His. He is so gentle and good to me on those days, and I know that He is preparing me right now to meet my son.
I'm so thankful to be in the stage we are in right now... even though we may be waiting.
And to my son in India, it won't be long now until I see your face.
What a day that will be.
As you know, we started this adoption journey in 2012. 2012! So, to be honest, you almost give up on the dream after that many years. The thought of there being a child on the other end of this hope becomes nothing more than a fantasy, a passing thought when you see a child in Target, or a longing that comes in the quiet of night right before you go to sleep. But it's certainly not a daily reality. It can't be. It's too hard.
We got the email on May 26th...
"Your family's CARINGS registration has been received and is under review!"
CARINGS is the adoption "list" for India. Once you are registered on this list and approved you can be matched with a child. Gulp. But our email stated that it could take up to 6 to 8 weeks to be approved, so we settled in to wait for a bit. You would think after all these years that the waiting would be easier, but its so much harder right now. We feel so close and each day seems harder than the next.
Then, another surprise email...
"You are approved on CARINGS and you are officially able to be matched with a child"
This email came on June 1. Say what?!? Less than a week!
That was so fast!
We are still spinning from this and now we wait again, but the next time we hear something from our agency, it will be THE CALL. The one we have been waiting for since 2012. We will officially be matched with a little boy and be able to see his face, know his Indian name, know his likes and dislikes, hear the milestones he has hit. My emotions are seriously all over the map. I am completely overwhelmed with joy and excitement, and I'm also really nervous and I almost feel not ready. It mimics the emotions you have right before you know you are about to go in to give birth. You have been so ready to be not pregnant this whole time, you are done with the waiting, but when it's actually time, the nerves kick in... the doubts kick in...
Am I ready for this?
Can I handle everything that is about to happen to me? To my family?
The unknown of it all is overwhelming. I know that once I actually see his face everything else will fade. Those thoughts will seem silly. But for right now, this is the stage that I am in, and so I am embracing it. I promised myself that I would try and be present with each and every step this time around. Each and every emotion through this journey. My hope is that through transparency, someone else will get the courage to take the step towards adoption.
And also, when I am honest about my weakness, I get the chance to show off Christ's strength. I fix my eyes on Him and on my "pity party" days, He gently pulls me back to where I need to be. The place where my priorities line up with His. He is so gentle and good to me on those days, and I know that He is preparing me right now to meet my son.
I'm so thankful to be in the stage we are in right now... even though we may be waiting.
And to my son in India, it won't be long now until I see your face.
What a day that will be.
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